a life left behind

May 29

do with it what you want. last post.

i need an out,
as if i wasnt already far away.
but more than that i need a friend.
someone who will still talk to me.
someone who doesnt believe in lies, but
believes in me.

someone who knows what ive been through,
and who will help me
to recover from it.
i didnt cut myself because i’m insecure.
i did it because i needed a friend.
it worked for a while,
but she turned on me. it feels as if the whole world did.

but theres one who didnt.
theres one who actually cares about me
one who will still talk to me.
one who understands that i did nothing wrong.
because i didnt.
what they did came out of no where like a killer’s knife in the darkness.

and thats why im so scared of the darkness.
because im stuck in it.
its swallowing me up,
and hes reaching down to me from the light,
but hes too far away.

im done with people calling me a
backstabber.
i’m done with people calling me uncaring.
and most of all im done with being called
a horrible friend.
because i was always her friend.
and i didnt ruin this,
she did.

Dont jump to conclusions on me.
there’s more to me than it seems. because ive
just gotten up off the floor and the holes in my back are healing.
dont put them there again
you never even knew me.
you stopped talking to me even.
in eighth grade. dont deny it. you started this vicious cycle.
and now im gone.

but you dont care.
you’re probably glad about this.
well… do with this what you want. you can scream to me about it. but i wont listen. you can forget about it like you have forgotten about me. but i sure wont forget you. you can make a little mind nugget of it. but i already have a happy meal. you can laugh at me once you read this. (another little emo poem right?) but ill be crying at you. you can can get annoyed and call me a drama queen. but you will never see coming what happened to me to cause this. you can snicker because you think im sending you on a guilt trip. but the real person who should feel guilty probably wont even read this. you can say oh well, i barely knew her. but when they find me lifeless on the floor one day, youll feel like you knew me all along.
so yes, this is my last post. and no im not going to change my mind like i did last time. i’m not going to delete this blog. i’m going to keep it, but leave it just as it is. unnoticed typos and all.
Do with this what you want. its my last call for help anyways.

1 year ago

May 01

quote It takes life to see decay, but i wont rot.